what do i do (and why do i do it)

It took a whole village for me to unlearn the false narrative about feelings being synonymous with weakness - an understanding which runs through the women of my family for generations. Now that I know it takes courage and lots of balls to be out there and embrace one's own fragility, I am no longer interested in being strong even a little bit, and the funny thing is, here I am at my strongest.

The more I let feelings in without pushing them away by any means, bigger my heart and my soul got. I started participating in art to process and make sense of all the feelings I tucked in myself for many years. Within that process, I learned and am still learning to really feel and not just think. The more I feel, more clearly I think as well. 

When I say feelings, I am not solely talking about sorrow. Lately I've been so angry. I am angry both on a personal and societal level. Witnessing all the corruption, infidelity and injustice locally and globally I can't help being angry. Looking at what I have been creating lately, I see an effort to process and let go of that anger and frustration. I have a serious problem with authority and institutions, I believe this is the source of my strong gravitation towards the kitsch; telling things the way I want or prefer to - not the way that is acceptable by or only speaks to an aesthetic elite or authority. I know that art doesn't have a magic wand to correct all the wrongs I've mentioned, yet I believe that it has a unique power that makes people question their assumptions about the world and the way they experience reality. I am interested in what is hidden behind the curtain of cultural dogmas / socially determined conditions on the material level and alternate levels or modes of consciousness on the more spiritual or mental level. I am very invested in bodily, mental and spiritual experiences mediated through internal or external catalysts and utilize my body as a facilitator for such experiences.